Being self-conscious and the need to take action..

I have taken pictures of myself not too long ago.  I have found myself self-conscious of my appearance despite what I eat, and have eaten recently.  I have gained some weight during the holidays.  My weight tends to go up and down, which makes weight loss even more frustrating. Taking some action helps and will continue to help me.  I don't however know which direction to go. I don't know if I should pay for a weight loss program or if I should go to a free website like Spark people or My fitness pal.  I am also not sure if I should go at it alone.  All I know is that going at it alone does not hold me as accountable as I should be.  I also know that going on a website would do a better job of holding me accountable.  What has been wrong with me is the fear of failure. Interestingly enough, that is what I feel I have done.  Therefore, I feel like I have lived my worst nightmares.  I don't know how many calories I have consumed today, but I know that it is not based on eating healthy foods and drinking water.  So what I need to do is to follow the guidelines that I have set for myself last night. They were as personal as they could be, so it would be wise to follow them.  It will also take a lot of patience, action, and planning.

Edited Diet and Journal Goals

1. I don't care to consume more than 2000 calories per day unless stated otherwise to lose weight.
2. I will go to the refrigerator and be patient enough to write a meal plan for the day or week, which will be realistic so that I won't end up changing my mind during the day.
3.  I will make sure that whenever I write a grocery list, it is healthy and it includes the entire     household.
4.  My plan is to follow a realistic diet schedule that is easy to follow.
5.  Determine if I am really hungry in terms of the foods I eat (per meal).
6.  I will write down trigger foods or drink.
7.  Read and write down nutrition labels so that I can track down the specific health contents of my foods.
8.  Be specific; write down times, trigger foods, nutrition, meals, and portions.
9.  I will shorten the grocery list.
10.  Do an inventory of the foods that I will consume for the next day, week, 2 weeks, or month.
11.  I will also write down the number of carbs per meal per day.  

Edited Exercise Journal Goals

• Consider schedule for week.
• Consider how much time to exercise.
• Consider what exercises I am able to do.
• Consider the time of day when to exercise.
• Consider my mindset period.
• Consider my health.
• Consider if I am in need of equipment for said exercise such as shoes or weights.
• Consider the length of the actual exercise.
• Consider if I am able to exercise that long.
• Consider why I think exercise, in my mind, is still somewhat drudgery.
• Consider what my own motivation is to exercise.
• Consider my emotional and physical state during exercise.              
• Consider how I am supposed to gauge how much work I have done.
• Consider my results and not forget to log them.
• Consider the number of times to exercise per day.