I have no real desire to lose weight.

I have my own reasons for weight loss.  I cannot take not being able to lose weight and keep it off.  I have the ability to lose weight.  On the other hand, I also have the uncanny ability to gain weight as well.  My weight tends to go up and down.  Therefore, I have questioned my goals.  I do have the motivation to lose weight. However, my desire is not strong, yet strangely enough, I know that I need to lose weight. I know I have health issues.  What is wrong with me?  I have yet to start an exercise and diet or rather, healthy eating program.  I know I sound like a broken record.  The truth is, I weigh 301 pounds, I am 5'1.5" tall, and I am 40 years old.  My BMI is 57, which would make me super obese.  My BMI is off of the BMI scale and that is an illustration of my health.  I also have over 70% body fat percentage yet I just don't know what I am doing.  I need motivation and I need help.